02:52   04/11/2020

To my dear…

Father above, it’s already the 11^th month. How terrible. It makes me sick. What it implies. Mentally sick. Emotionally. But it’s not like you’d care.

Once the new year begins, the wounds of the last harvest will only burn more. So long as I let it. But right now, I’m finding it hard to deal with. Because right now, everything still feels like it was a waste of time. Do you see it that way? I’m sure you do. Why else would I be stuck here writing these damned letters? No point complaining. The year is almost done. And all a man can do is write.

I don’t know what I want. It’s hard to even see what’s available. If I look back and wish for things to be the way they used to be, I’m hit in the face and reminded that times have changed all things. Why am I even still looking back? Maybe because for a whole year, I could never see what was ahead. When I would tread through the waters back then, I could always tell what could be coming my way. Nowadays these seas feel empty. Or am I just blind?

Nothing is making itself clear. I wish I got a more obvious sign of what I could do. Because all a man has done is swim around in circles.

A soldier wasn’t meant for this. This limbo. He needs something to fight for. A reason to be strong. But will life help make that something more clear to see? Who knows?

For now, all I know is that for the past year, I’ve been lost. And the reasons I pointed out in the last letter don’t make it any easier.

Oh, and sorry for the harsh tones before. And for the dull tones now. It’s what happens to a man who’s left behind.

I hope you are not as lost as I am. This year is almost over. I’m sure you know what that means. Why else am I writing right now. Who knows?

Love from yours truly

-Daniel Roy

P.S. Remember my song ‘Another Cup’? I’ve got that instrumental in my head right now.