14:14   15/12/2020

To my

A man has not been keeping to his word. What I mean is that I’m still very much a danger on the road. Well, if truth be told, the road itself is a generally dangerous place, and any patron to its service is a danger to others and themselves. That cannot be undone, no matter how safe one may ride. And so yes, I am a danger on the road. But I’m still riding in a riskier manner. Fast. And poisoned.

The poisons issue is not as drastic as it used to be. The experience with the two old folk on Mansions road still keeps me aware of the consequences that foolish intoxication can deliver. A damned shame! I do wish those two a true recovery. But that doesn’t mean I’ve not hit the road while in my cups. I have. Many a times still. Disappointing. I know. But I’ve been aware of my cups and how far I’ll sink if I’m to hit the road that night. A basic safety measure, so that I don’t ask my driver to do anything outrageous. But that’s the problem. It’s not the cups and poisons that’s the issue. It’s the flow we love so much.

All together, we feel it. We weren’t meant to be bound. We were supposed to live free. And that’s the problem.

My driver, the hooves, and even the carriage itself. They’re all like me. And they love to flow freely. Unbound by whatever the rest of the worlds ask of us. Just… Free. I can feel it. Whenever I do approach the carriage. The driver is always the first to see me, and he always sees me with a smile. That and a deep breath and a little stretch, lest our ride grows chaotic. The beasts, they see me too. And they grow restless. Excited. A light trot on the spot to ready their bodies for a true gallop. When I come to greet them, they too approach me. They embrace me with their heads to my shoulder, glad that that day they won’t just be sitting around. The carriage. It knows when I hop aboard. I feel it. It welcomes me. Ensures my seat is well and comfortable, that there is enough airflow to my liking, that it itself is ready to ride. All together, we feel it. We weren’t meant to be bound. We were supposed to live free. And that’s the problem.

They don’t understand when I tell them all to hold back. To slow it down. Sure, when we’re at a risky place or a busy road, they understand why we must slow. But on the speedway, they don’t agree with my requests. They know there are no reasons to straggle with the lambs. We find that out every night. But now, I ask them to slow. Not all the time. The moonlight hours are ours. But every other time I ask them the distasteful request. I don’t think they completely understand the sense of safety we must acknowledge. Sure, they’re just like me, and they’re willing to die for freedom. But I think they forget that we’re not the only ones in danger. I think they forget that others also trot these roads. And what’s even worse, I think they sometimes forget that sometimes it’s not only me in the carriage.

This tight timeframe gave more validation to my free flow riding, but with others aboard. Not a good thing at all.

Elulux. A busy day for me. That day I had duties I volunteered to fulfill. I was to be the main guard at a fete. But that day was also the day for the dinner scheduled for all my brothers. Our annual arrangement. Our arrangements were usually held elsewhere in another world. But since the plague had stopped sky travel, we had to make plans locally. Better than nothing, of course. And as the unspoken almoner, I had responsibility to bring some of the distant brothers to our arrangement. Lazy Jeez being one, since we were neighbours, but also Venato. So overall, a busy day.

Time was tight for me since my guard duties were to end at half past the 16^th bell. Then I was to escort Lazy Jay and Venato to our arrangement within the next hour. Not a good thing. This tight timeframe gave more validation to my free flow riding, but with others aboard. Not a good thing at all.

The guard duties I volunteered to fulfill were quite interesting. Those in charge of this fete were not pursuers of coin. Charity folk, in other words. I think ‘charitable’ would imply the wrong idea. So ‘charity seeking’ would be the better way to say such. And this is why my duties were unpaid. All of us on duty at this fete were unpaid. An opportunity to exercise compassion it seemed. And this selfless cause was a fine place to meet some interesting characters.

On the field, many of those on duty were acquainting themselves with each other. Many for the first time. I saw this meant I wasn’t the odd one out. But then I discovered that much of the volunteers were also involved in other charitable works. Works such as general tutoring for the not so wealthy kids, and even mentoring, in case these youths lacked true role models.

Oh… the fete. I should explain first. These fetes were held for the not so wealthy children that live about the Softburn Metropolis. An opportunity for them to connect with the greater community by participating in activities, enjoying free foods, and getting to know their seniors who were willing to get in touch. Us volunteers, in other words. I didn’t realize that. That by participating in these duties, I would be joining the ranks of those who were willing to be guiding hands in the lives of these youths.

Because in all honesty, I am the perfect candidate to be a mentor for the not so fortunate youth. But at the same time, that also makes me the worst candidate for such a role. That makes me scared.

My heart sinks at the thought of that. A true reckoning of what I am. Because in all honesty, I am the perfect candidate to be a mentor for the not so fortunate youth. But at the same time, that also makes me the worst candidate for such a role. That makes me scared. I’m completely aware of the good that I can do for these youths. I’m actually motivated to be a strong figure for these youths. But I’m also completely aware of the bad that I can do for these youths. Good and bad aren’t the correct words to use here. They’re too general. Too dependant on relativity and perspective. Let’s just say that I can build these youths into powerful individuals. Fuel them into blazing spirits, wise, with independent thought. And that’s what makes this issue so sensitive. Powerful individuals. A good and bad quality. The best and the worse. Creation and destruction. The duality of greatness. I have the power to nurture this. I’m not sure if I’m ready to cultivate this outside of my already widened circle. A man must be considerate about what he puts upon his plate. And what’s more frightening is that I’m almost ready to start shaking more worlds again. But let’s not worry about all of this at the moment.

Felix asked me to assist in this fete. He knew of my plans to lease myself as a light guard for my future income. And so he figured this would be good practice. Thoughtful, as he always was. I guess he was participating in this community to better his societal records. Volunteer and community services were always redeeming avenues for us outlaws. But of course, he likely also felt the need to exercise his compassion, as the greatest of us always do. That and the fact that some of his friends were already part of this charity community.

I usually tell others I’m not an expert at anything in particular. Now I know that in itself is a tale.

I found his friend Ggrya was already involved with assisting the youths with their studies. She told me of how she would at time have to read tales to these children. She would read tales. Read tales. Tales. Read tales. To children. Read tales to children. WHAT IN THESE MONSTROUS WORLDS?!?!? I’M THE FUCKIN TELLER OF TALES! THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I SHOULD BE DOING! I usually tell others I’m not an expert at anything in particular. Now I know that in itself is a tale. Tale telling is my expertise! Whether it’s another’s tale or my own. I can tell a damned tale! King’s stop to listen to my tellings. My own enemies can’t help but dance in the worlds I create. To tell tales to children? Not a problem! They’re the easiest and most difficult of audiences. I should… No! I must assign myself to these duties. Whether I’ll advance into mentoring, those are delicate contemplations I’ll have to leave for another time.

These coinless duties involved a little more than just the guard duties. Given this group strived off of volunteers, it was hoped that the volunteers would assist with preparations and pack up. Of course, I helped with both. I noticed there was a lack of natural leaders amongst such a group of selfless folk, which I found strange. I thought these selfless duties would have sparked strong captains. I couldn’t say I saw any. There were the few that had potential, so maybe overtime they would evolve. But other than the few seedlings, it seemed only me and Felix were the real captains about.

Some of the characters about were somewhat strong. That was encouraging to have amongst the ranks. Two lads I met made an impression. Humans. Definitely not lacking physically, from what I sensed. Too bad I don’t remember their names. Their faces were enough at the least. The first told me of how he knew Shika from their younger days of study. Oh right! Shika was there too. Felix asked him to do image capturing for the event. And I’m sure he did an amazing job. Shika’s latest captures in his portfolio are superb. You should surely have a look through, my darling.

So this first human, he was a strong task driven lad. From what I could sense, if he knew what he had to do, he would focus and do it well. The second was his dear friend who he brought along to help. From what I could observe, he was good at making sure everyone got a fair share. The children, that is. He’d ensure each kid got a chance to participate in the activities. Those two made a solid pair. Their differences would compliment in the wider scheme of things. So long as they were on the same side, that is.

Don understood the power of accomplishment, and how vital it would be to instil in the youth.

Another lad that stood out to me was Don. A Numan. Star Country raised, since he didn’t have the strong Numan expression and accent most of his brethren would exclaim. He seemed the closest to becoming a good captain. Besides me and Felix, he was the only other volunteer willing to take charge when things needed to happen. I actually discovered the mentoring aspect of this community through observing him. Don would focus much of his time and energy on a few children. Numan kids, of course. He likely felt the obligation as their senior. But still. I saw him truly encourage a few of the kids to get involved in the activities. And when they didn’t do so well in their play, he’d encourage them to try again, and coach them on how they could improve their techniques. Don understood the power of accomplishment, and how vital it would be to instil in the youth. He made sure the few kids he dealt with left with a sense of achievement, no matter how small. And what’s more, he made sure those kids left knowing they had someone they could call for guidance. From seeing that, I began to see how many of the other volunteers were ensuring that the kids were not scared to talk and get involved with them. That and also how I found out there was more involvement outside of this fete, such as the tutoring, the mentoring, and the TALE TELLING !!!!!

My apologies!

His spirit was different. He wasn’t reaching a hand out for a lucky catch. He had positioned himself for the kill, and was completely focused on claiming his bounty.

I met a very sharp kid. Well, he had the potential to become extremely open-minded. I could sense him watching me, and how I handled everything at this fete. I think I know when it started. One time after some kids had finished an activity, they all approached me to claim a prize. Silly children! But adorable. They all couldn’t have won the prize. There was obviously only one winner. A kid approached me first for the prize. His manner seemed as if the prize was rightfully his, and he stood before me, waiting for me to hand it to him. I would have handed it to him, except the fact that all the other kids were also approaching claiming to be the winner. That’s when I knew I had to be more careful. I looked to that activity host and he pointed out to me which of the children was the true winner. I gave the crowd a quick scan, and the true winner’s spirit spoke honesty, while all the other kids were just hoping to get a lucky bite. Well, all the other kids except for that first kid. His spirit was different. He wasn’t reaching a hand out for a lucky catch. He had positioned himself for the kill, and was completely focused on claiming his bounty. He’d shoo off the other kids and continue his act as the rightful winner of the prize. An extremely believable ploy compared to all the other jackals. It was too bad for him that I had already identified the true winner hidden amongst the mob. I told the kids to step back because I already knew who had won. That’s when the first kid truly backed off. He knew he could no longer succeed. I think that’s when he began to watch me. He let the rest of the mob flood through. They too would try their little tricks and games, telling me they came second or third, and that they too were owed a prize. Weak efforts. None of it would work. Nothing like the first kid.

I think he noticed I was truly the only volunteer getting involved and checking in on all the other stations at this fete. Well, it couldn’t be helped. I was the guard of this fete. The only one with duties that encompassed the whole event. Well, me and Shika, with his image capturing. But I noticed when I’d be at one of the food stations, that kid would be around me. When I’d stop by another station to check if everybody there was well, when I’d turn to leave, there the kid would be. Maybe a coincidence. But every once in a while when I’d be helping a station, he’d ask me a few things.

I don’t remember everything he asked me, but I do remember one question. He asked, “What’s the difference between popular and famous?” He then asked if they were the same thing. Of course I told him they weren’t! I’m a writer! There is no way in damnation those two concepts were the same thing to me. And I wouldn’t pass the opportunity to open this kids mind, all for the sake of convenience. I told him “No! They’re not the same!” I told him there was a slight similarity when it came to being involved with other folk in terms of fame and popularity. But it was not the same. I didn’t explain directly that popularity and fame had a similarity in terms of social appeal, because I’d have to explain that concept. He then asked what the difference was again. I told him one was famous if folk knew them for something they’d done or do, whereas popularity meant many folk liked them. When the kid told me he didn’t understand and told me he still thought they were the same, I explained, one could be famous but unpopular, or one could be popular, but not famous. The former being that folk would know you for what you’ve done or for who you are, but that doesn’t mean they like you. The latter being that others may like you, but you’re not known for anything in particular, just that those who do know you, like you. I didn’t want to explain that popularity could lead to fame, and fame to popularity, because the kid still needed to grasp the distinction. He couldn’t understand it at first and repeated to accept that they were generally the same. But again, I told him they were not the same and reemphasized my points. I explained to him that whoever does meet me begins to love me, but I’m not known by many for anything in particular. That I was popular, but not famous. His mind began to fire up with realization. He then said, “Folk like you, but you’re not well known.” I agreed, telling him I was popular but not famous. So, he confirmed with me if being famous was being ‘well known’. I told him it was, and that it didn’t mean that folk liked you. I noticed him go over these thoughts.

I could tell, this kid wasn’t going to be like the rest. His mind was more intricate that the other children here. And he wasn’t afraid to tackle ambiguous concepts. I’ll have to look out for this kid. Ensure his potential doesn’t spawn any ill. Or maybe he’ll seek me if I continue to stay involved with this youth nurturing community.

And, as usual, when the brotherhood gets together. Cups! A lot of fuckin cups. Not good at all.

Given the implicit call for assistance at the end of this fete. I stay back to help pack up the equipment. But with lack of directions, pack up was taking longer than expected. I lost track of time. When I did check, I was late for my leave. I had to grab Lazy Jay and Venato and bring them to dinner. All within one bell. I had to hurry. Not good. Lucky there was a lot of speedway on route to dinner. Also, not good. We, of course, made it in good time. Only 5 minutes late. Again, not good. And, as usual, when the brotherhood gets together. Cups! A lot of fuckin cups. Not good at all.

Dinner moved to Char’s den, so we could sink more poison. And, of course, I took Lazy and Venato in my carriage. It was only one highway back to Char’s. Not a speedway, but too similar nonetheless, except for the few intersections. And, of course, my driver did what he always did. Warren noticed how my carriage was galloping and told me off. He was already aware of my bad habits, so he did the right thing and scolded me. But what’s worse was that I didn’t realize I made Lazy Jay uncomfortable.

Lazy had road troubles in the past. He was never hurt, thank the Father above, but that doesn’t mean he welcomed the costs that came with road trouble. Truly heavy costs. He wasn’t comfortable at how close my carriage would move amongst others on the roads. Too close for comfort he’d tell me. I apologized. The last thing I wanted was to bring discomfort.

It wasn’t the fear of harm that was the issue. Neither of us feared harm. But it was just the consideration for a brother’s old troubles that was the problem.

Venato didn’t care, of course. He danced with death as much as I did. But that wasn’t the matter. It wasn’t the fear of harm that was the issue. Neither of us feared harm. But it was just the consideration for a brother’s old troubles that was the problem. I should have been mindful as to Lazy’s past and the many carriages he had lost.

He actually didn’t tell me until the end of the night, once we made it home. If I knew earlier, I could have made the difference. But better to know late than never. And I can be grateful to have this experience. Because now I feel the consequences I brought on the road. The discomfort of another. As well as the endangerment.

I’m slowly learning so many things in life. Please be patient with me, and how I haven’t kept my word. With this road, that is. This day had definitely helped to shape my behaviour. Let’s hope the costs stay low.

Love from yours truly

-Daniel Roy