I need to stop delving into these forgotten arts. These occult crafts.

Slumber, last night, was nowhere to be found. As usual. And my spirit, the damned thing, was left to wander. Not good.

Maybe I can say I found a little piece of slumber. A touch of it. But in between the waves of rest and wake, my spirit ventured where it shouldn’t have. And it saw futures we shouldn’t put our hopes into. I am scared. For what if these futures come to be.

Luckily, all of this was not fate reading. The details I saw require a masterful fate reader. I’m but a defected apprentice. Let’s not worry about that. But, no. Last night, what half of me sailed the skies of slumber, played at the old Will Weavings. Bold crafts, they are. Black arts, in the wrong hands. White arts, in the right. But still. All are just windows to things I’d rather not see.

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What I saw… I saw two knights. Valourous and loyal. Two very different souls. Yet both were one in the same. I saw myself, with the power to guide them towards the light. Or to welcome them into the darkness. I saw myself. Torn. Troubled between what I know is right, and what my heart aches to impose. I saw pain. Pains I’d inflict, and pains I’d suffer. And I saw change. Change that I’ve avoided for these countless centuries.

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With some of me still wandering in that somewhere, I can already feel that tonight is not going to be a good night. For me, it won’t. I feel it. I see it. All the pieces are already in their place. All in an orientation I’ve seen many times before. That’s how I know tonight is going to truly hurt. Will I have the courage to make a difference? To change fate? I don’t know. But something inside wants me to just allow Life to flow. So that its waves crash violently into my soul, and awaken me back to reality. Awaken me. To reality. Suffering can do that. But should I suffer? Or should I take fate into my own hands? I see all the familiar patterns before me. All the signs. I see the ruin ahead. Do I accept what ‘is’, or do I strive for a different sort of night?

I don’t know what I should do. I don’t know what’s more worthy. Of my life.

Madness. I know. Nonsense. I see. I’m speaking so much. And yet I’m saying nothing at all.

I shouldn’t have danced with the Fate Readings the other night. I’m losing order. Order within myself.

Poison. I’m in need of poison. Lots of it.

That’s what tonight is for. And that’s the trouble…

Change is half a moon away. Let’s hope I last until then.