06/06/2021
To my dear whoever you are now…
I’ve finally found a drop of it. An inkling of it. A mere trace of it secretly flowing through my veins. It’s not much But it’s something this man needs a wisp of. Because, in all honesty, there hasn’t been much of it lately.
The will. To write.
Unfortunately, this speck of will will be painted through a letter. This letter. And this letter will likely not showcase the lovely jewels that we both love, my darling. Likely not the gems of knowledge I love to drop along the way. Likely not the glitter of creativity I love to paint. And likely not the endless mirage of colours that my mind loves to journey. No. You know what these letters are, my darling. They’re just me, reminding you of my reality, in hopes that it one day eases the burden off of my shoulders.
You see, these past few decades, I’ve needed these letters. In all honesty, I’ve needed all of my writing. How else could I deal with ‘you know who’? Time. Dear Time, and that impatient manner of hers. Once I paint these thoughts, she no longer has the power to convince me to leave them behind. They become permanent. Real. And with these illustrated words, we can all forever remember who I truly am. Why is that important, you may ask, my darling? Maybe I’ve been losing myself these past few decades. Thus, losing my craft. Words.
Do you know what’s difficult about writing these letters, my darling? They’re letters to an angel. A true angel. Not the angels that we folk can enjoy down in these worlds. No. But a true divine presence. So, do you know where these letters are sent once written? Where else? Up, into the sky. Floating the free air. All in hopes that one day, they’ll fly by the gates of where you rest. Centuries, that’ll be. I know. But what else can a man do?
There is a slight emptiness when one stands as a craftsman of an art so out of fashion. A wordsmith. But at least I have these letters. At least I have all my journeys. With and without. At least I have my heart. Do you even remember why I became a writer, my darling? It was too long ago, so do not worry. I’ll just continue these words for their one and only true audience. Madness in spite of madness.
The others? Rodger and Vent are still growing up. Let’s not rush them. Arty got himself in some action. Somewhat. You’ll have to ask him about it. Dallas is… I can’t say much about that. And maybe you’ll hear from Fang about our dear elf brother. I haven’t gotten in touch with all of them lately. Maybe you’ll hear of them in the future. It seems that letters are all I have for now.
01:37 08/06/2021
When I started this letter, I was seated upon a rail carriage. You know, the place I usually write. Even after decades of no writing, old habits commanded that I always bring my quills and that I always bring my paper for a long journey. But last night my shoulders and my chest were much too tired. Countless days with no eyes and ears to hear and see. That tiny speck of will made itself evident. Desperation. I know. But isn’t that what writing truly is? Well, my writing at least. Sadly, that ride on the rail carriage ended long ago.
Now I sit here in the cold. A slight drizzle of rain, making this endless wind more painfully colder than it already is. The only thing protecting me from the elements, the roof and door of my carriage. The freeze? There is only so much the carriage can do against that. The driver? He’s fast asleep. Poor fellow. The beasts? At rest as well. Poor things. Out in this wet. Out in this cold. And so, here we all are. Sitting. Waiting. For an answer we know we will not receive. Outside, on the outskirts of the Kingdom.
No. I’m not home at the capital. And yes, I’ve returned south again to the land that has forgotten me. Why, you may ask? Because I’m damn worried about her! That’s why! Our dear dame of the Moon. You know how dear she is to me, my darling. I shake worlds for her, Father above. But now I’m worried.
She sent me a letter before, demanding that I not show myself to her. She wanted independence to sort matters on her own. Our strong dear… All I ever wanted was to make sure all was well. Of course she could do what she needed on her own. Of course I agreed. But that didn’t mean I wasn’t concerned. I at least sent her a letter the other moon. I was about to visit her the last I came down this way, until I remember her request. So, a short letter it was.
I’ll be honest. I think she’s just had enough of me. I understand. A ronin is familiar with exclusion. As for others? They are just not familiar with our nature. Something I have to live with.
Tonight, she sent me a letter. And, damnation! I knew I should have been by her side. Certain ‘cats’ were involved. Damnation! You know exactly who I’m talking about, my darling. Those whom we never wish to ever see. She still demanded her independence from me, but that request was becoming damned harder to accept. I need to see her. I need to be sure she is okay. My dearie. I’ve no faith in those she keeps about. But she will not respond. Thus I had to make way back to the Kingdom. Just in case the slightest chance I could see her.
Father above, this rain is horrible. and I’m still out here.
I don’t know why I wait out here. My calls are not getting to her. I’m sure she told her porter and her hands to ignore all calls from outside. That doesn’t make things easier.
I just don’t know why she would make me so worried, then not give correspondence. Maybe this is punishment? For raising hope. For abrupt distance. For not protecting her when she needed. For leaving her be. I live with those regret everyday. But what should that matter? We’ve all our own lives. She likely isn’t aware I’ve returned south, waiting for an answer I know will not come.
Jill just heard about what I’m doing. I think Jill is upset at me now. I hope she doesn’t tell you about this, my darling. Even if I’m telling you right here.
Jill sent word that she was aware I’ve returned south. and that she knows what I am up to. Quite embarrassing. Big brother scolded, at the forth bell, out here on the outskirts of the Kingdom. I guess my carriage isn’t exactly invisible in these parts of our worlds.
I best not make sweet Jill angry again. We’ve only just rekindled.
Like I said, no true wisdom, no creativity, no tales of wonder. Just me, and my madness.
I hope to the skies that she is okay. I can’t find Eluna in the sky tonight. My protector. Is that what’s stopping me see our dear dame of the Moon? Or is it Destiny, making things difficult for us again. Likely both. Maybe she is aware that destiny is not doing us any favours. Or maybe she asked Destiny for such.
I must end this letter.
Jill sent another word. How embarrassing.
I must leave.
Love from yours truly
-Daniel Roy
Diaries of the Moonlight Hours 