‘Dreams’ I think we used to call them.

Artifacts? Centuries have crawled past since their last use.

Mementos? Small reminders of the champions I could have become.

Garbage? A collection of many things I no longer put to use.

Treasure. Bits and pieces from the times I truly felt valuable.

Now, the time has come where I must finally throw it all away. Because that is what this world has taught me – to dispose of what no longer serves. And whether I like it or not, that is the truth of the whispers in the air. I know it so. And you know it too, my dear sweetheart. Am I not some of the refuse that you burned away for your new life?

Maybe this is ugly head of Possession. Maybe this is the limitation of living in the world of desires.

Or maybe this is the natural cycle of growth. Nothing to truly mourn, just as the leaves wither in the fall.

Was I a toy you no longer wish to play with once you grew bored of me, or was I just a leaf who had served his time for the season? I find the latter hard to believe. Do you know why? Because I am still alive. I have not crumbled away into forgotten debris. Or have I?

And now, what of my trasures?

Before me, lay an assortment of tools, clothes, uniforms, and texts.

As a whole, I feel most of it has served its time. There are too many things I will never use again. But there are also things that will always hold their weight. These scriptures and books will never go, of course. You know I could never let such treasures go. They are my honoured teachers and my life’s works. But as of everything else, there is still too much to sort through. And as it all sits together in its heap of despair, I mourn. I see before me, a disfigured gallery of shattered dreams.

There are countless outfits of fanciful tailored chaos. And to their misfortune, a knight like me no longer has anywhere to shine such beautiful attire. There are no longer any friends to visit, loved ones to joy, nor strangers who request my presence. There is no purpose in wrapping a gift who is no longer desired. And so I must give this catalogue of ravishing robes a final salute.

Tools of strength and combat also take much of the space here. I keep all of this duelling gear around in hopes that I’ll duel again in the future. But these shoulders have lost much of their true ability, and these knees much of their true stride. The skill and prowess is still deeply ingrained within, but this body is no longer capable of war. Maybe a quick, desperate bout or two against against a silly civilian. But there is only so much we can ask of a broken sword. And so these tools will likely have to go.

I’ve tools of cinematography, and tools of musicianship. Much of their potential still exists. But centuries have passed. And this day and age asks for a different breed of performance. A performance I do not exactly sing. A performance I do not enjoy. I do not wish to waste my energy on cheap art. So, I do not know if I should keep these tools of true craftsmanship. These are the items that need more time to judge.

The remainders are the mementos of old relationships. The treasures I’ve kept for centuries. Do I still keep these symbols of love I’ve kept for my whole life? Or do I sign away these painful memories so that they no longer haunt me ever again. Asking this of myself is much like asking me to burn away every piece of writing I’ve ever composed. While in such a vulnerable state where I am letting go of all the things and people that hurt me, this is the final decision I must make before I know I can set sail again.

At this current moment, I do not know.

I am at a point where I must decide if I wish to cherish the memories of a wonderous past I may never feel again, or if I should finally vanquish the ghosts that keep me old.

To accomplish both will be slow and labourous. Is that why I am delaying such choices?

Right now, I do not know.

Maybe Life will bring forth another situation that will prompt me into action. Or maybe Time will awaken me from this old valley of broken dreams.

I am lost, with too many burdens. Shall I muster the strength to drag it all along? Or shall I set myself free?

I do not know.

I do not know what is worth it anymore.