25/07/2025

To my….

Sleep.

I don’t feel I’ve been getting enough of it lately. And not because I’m physically tired. No. But it’s something my entirety still calls me to chase modt every waking second of my day.

You already know how hard it is for me to fall into sleep, my dear sweetheart. The ordeal has been a never-ending challenge ever since I set foot on this physical plane. But lately, the matter has been an overwhelming presence of defeat. Lying here, left only to wander the realm of air, makes me aware that there is far too much empty space. Emptiness I constantly fill with my mind’s insanity just to try not feel insane.

Why does my soul yearn for sleep so much? I’m getting enough to rejuvinate from my daily physical activities. And yet it feels like it’s never enough. Maybe because it’s the only way I can escape from the endless space I’ve been left to wander on my own. Yes. It’s the only time I can forget that there is nobody here.

I long for sleep because it is the only time I can feel that somebody is there. It is the only time I can feel another presence beside me – interacting and communicating with me, like it’s not a made-up dialogue I imagine yet again just to feel like I might have talked to someone. Becsuse those are the only conversations I’ve had these past few centuries – conversations I imagine having in my head with nobodies I imagine I’ll come across in my day.

Even though the interactions I have during sleep are likely also just figments of my imaginations, they at least feel more real than anything my waking mind can ever seem to conjure. It’s the only time I feel an actual soul has stop by to dance with me for a short while. And it gives me company I feel I can cherish. It gives me room to appreciate whomever comes to visit.

I can never tell who I’ll get to spend time with in my next dream. But it doesn’t ever matter. Even if they are those who I do not wish to see or meet again in the physical realm, it’s still nice to have company once I finally fall asleep.

Sometimes, I get visits from certain souls more often than the rest. I feel like they are the few who think of me, even if we never talk in physical reality. It feels like the dream realm is where we stay in touch instead – as if we need not meet in the physical space because we’ll soon share space together in dream space. That’s the appreciation I mentioned before. I appreciate that I have the few I get to still dance with. And I hope they know I’ll always love them for that.

The Princess often comes by to see me. And she usually brings others I haven’t seen in a while along with her. Those dreams are always enjoyable. Soo much empty space gets filled with warmth and colour.

I noticed you never come to visit me anymore. Maybe because I ask that you don’t. It’s hard to lurk the physical realm after I’ve seen you in the other plane. That reckoning usually tears holes inside me I’m tired of patching up. Or maybe you never come anymore because… Well, of course. I’ve not forgotten my banishment from those skies above.

I wish to sleep.

It would be a delight if I could fall asleep.

My physical body is fine as it is. But another part of me needs the sleep more than ever. Because the sleep is the only way I can seem to nourish something I haven’t been able to fulfil for a long long while.

Grant me your blessings, my dear sweetheart.

And hope for me that I can find even just one more minute of a dream.

Please hope that for me