I can feel it.

The swords are continuing to haunt me, to tempt me, to encourage me. And something in my soul agrees. Something within me wants to give in.

To leave.

I think I will try again. Soon.

To leave.

I don’t know if Life will let me. She’s not permitted me before.

To leave.

I don’t think Death will allow me either. She’s seems privy to Life’s same agenda. She too won’t simply allow me the pleasure.

To leave.

But things will be different this time.

I’m no longer at the whims of the poisons. I’m no longer driven by the blind unconsciousness that  brought me to the gates those other times before.

This time, I will walk through those gates through sheer will. And I believe that because of that, those two won’t be able to stop me this time.

And maybe then I will finally fly.

I’ve been searching for so long, but I just cannot find a reason to stay.

Nobody needs me down here anymore. This existence is selfish. Living for nobody. And this selfishness feels completely wrong. An absolute wrongness. My soul despises the thought of existing for nobody but myself. But what can a man do? There is nobody before me, still. And all I can do is just enjoy the sweetness of milk and honey. All to myself.

Selfish!

Wrong!

It’s time I try again soon. It’s time I stop wasting my time selfishly consuming all the delights of this noisy place.

It’s time I try again soon.

To leave

And be free.